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Sunday, May 24, 2009

Where the hell have I been?

Well, you see, life has this funny way of happening all around you no matter what you've got going on. Sometimes life happens in and jumps up to bite me on the ass so I'll pay more attention to things than I normally do. Maybe so that I will look more deeply into my husbands eyes or be more observant of the silly things that my kids are doing so I'll be able to remember them for a lifetime.

It all started because of the recent storms. We got a lot of them in my area. So much so that the schools even closed down. Roads were washed out, houses were flooded and the power was off for days! Then another storm came through. I didn't think I would ever get my phone service back! My vegetable garden was lost and had to be replanted but things are finally back to normal. Hopefully that is as bad as the storms will get this year and I can get on with our summer plans now. Being stuck in a house with everyone and no electricity got pretty crazy. Everyone was cranky and it was easy for tempers to flair. We had our share of arguments but nothing too bad until after the storms. Yes me and my wonderful husband had a pretty heated argument. Nothing physical mind you! Well, unless you count the few times I slapped him. Nah! We won't count those!

What were we fighting about? Well, I was mad. Not at him but at the fact that I could possibly be losing a member of my family very soon. This person was refusing at the time to be treated and I'm still unsure of their final decision but this infuriated me! I wasn't supposed to tell my husband which led to me yelling and being mad at him. Mostly because he was there I guess. He had no idea what was wrong with me and I'd hurt him so he yelled back. There was a lot of things on both ends being yelled but the thing that allowed me to continue being mad at him was because I was hurting and he couldn't tell! Of all the people in my life, how could he not tell? How could he not see that something was seriously wrong? How could he not see how much I needed him to hold me close and tell me everything was going to be okay? WHY?! Was he blind? Well, no, he wasn't blind. He was just unaware. I'm sorry that he didn't know but now he does regardless of my promise because I couldn't carry this burden all alone. I opened up to him about it and needless to say, he felt bad that he didn't see it too. So, here we are.... Now what?

My point I am trying to make here is don't let stupid little arguments stop you from enjoying those you love because, honestly, you never know when that moment is going to be your last. Maybe your last moment to be happy and enjoy being together without learning of a serious condition that could take their life soon. There's always other things that could happen too. Car wrecks, heart attack or anything! You just never know. I don't want to be someone who wakes up one day all alone and a widow thinking about all of the times I could have really enjoyed being with my husband rather than arguing with him. How stupid that would be for me to waste the time I had with him being mad about something trivial! From this moment on, I pledge to always look deeper into his eyes and softly trace the lines of his body as I try to imprint them into my brain so that I'll never forget no matter what! I want to always remember how my fingers and hands feel running over his smooth skin and the way it looks and even the way it changes color as I drag my nails across it. I don't ever want to forget any of it so long as I live.


adriana said...

You know, I tell my husband everything. If anyone thinks they can tell me a secret and he won't know, they're nuts. I mean, isn't that kind of a given? So it makes me sad that you felt you couldn't tell him. =/